Crafting for a higher purpose

When the holiday season drifts on in, I start to panic about Christmas gifts just like your average mom. I open up Evernote and dig out that trusty gift list that my husband and I have shared for several years because it helps us stay organized sane. First I have to delete all the gift ideas that have been purchased, outgrown, or are no longer relevant. Some of them are timeless, like Legos.

Ooooh, my love-hate relationship with Legos. But that's for another post.

Seeing that list full of dreams and desires - especially those of my boys - opens up a pit in my stomach that is roughly the size of healthy bank account. I mean, we all say that presents are not the point or the meaning of Christmas, but they sure do make it more magical. I think most of us can harken back to starry childhood moments around the tree, surrounded by mountains of torn wrapping paper, with our hands full of cherished surprises and our hearts full of glee. Now fast-forward to adulthood: YOU have to buy all the presents. And it SUCKS. Because money has been SCARCE. And without presents, suddenly Christmas is no longer magical, not quite as festive, and a lot less glittery.

By the way, if you can't relate to this post, you're following the wrong blog, deary.

So what does this boymom do to quell her gift guilt?

Find ways to earn money!

(Don't worry, I'm not hookin'.)

I've never thought of myself as having a limited skill set, but the options can certainly look bleak when it comes to selling one's productive output. Luckily, I have a long and diverse-ish background in sewing, so I quickly drafted an email and sent it out to all 30 or so of my boys' classroom parents offering a special holiday rate on hemming.

If you're at all familiar with clothing alterations, you may know that pants or skirt hems will cost you from $10-25 at your local tailor. So you can understand how I would anticipate that just a few takers would result in a decent-sized gift or two - by my standards, anyway.

Well, wouldn't you know it? I didn't get one single reply to my offer. Maybe all those parents are very loyal to their tailors. Or maybe they all fit their clothes perfectly off the rack. Or, most likely, my email landed in their junk mailboxes and was never even read. Regardless, hope for profitable work waned grimly.

Now we come to the turning point in my pathetic tale, because a beautiful friend of mine came by with a little craft project for me to do which brought joy and merriment to my heart and a little cash to my wallet. Let me tell you what she asked me to do.

She said to me, "I would like you to sew ribbon loops onto these bath towels for my kids. I also want you to sew on these monogram buttons. And, that way, I will know who left their towel on the bathroom floor and I can punish them."

Like my classy tree in the background?

Imagine my delight at this both creative and diabolical assignment!

This mom of four had purchased luxurious new bath towels at Costco (is that a Midwest thing?) and supplied me with the most adorable embellished grosgrain ribbon and one-inch monogram buttons featuring the first initials of each of her bathroom offenders.

It took me a little under an hour to complete the project. Besides the customary battle with my rarely-used sewing machine, I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. I giggled to myself as I imagined my friend snatching a wet towel off the floor and triumphantly reading the attached initial.

"Oh, Abby!" she might call, although her daughter's name isn't actually Abby. "You owe me a dollar for having to pick up your towel off the floor!"

What a fantastic plan. I'm still just giddy about it. If I had towel hooks instead of towel bars, I would totally consider doing this for my boys. Like me, you may never have considered that kids are extremely unlikely to ever hang a towel properly over a towel bar. But if they have a nice big loop, they can easily hang the towel on a reachable hook, making them more responsible and preserving your sanity ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!

Kudos to my lovely friend for coming up with this idea. Your fellow mothers salute you!

One way or another, God

I sit on my couch this morning after Mookie goes down for his nap, and I say to myself, "Yes. Now. I will get something done!" I say this almost every morning during nap time. I open up my laptop, check my email (all junk), and quickly rule out the tantalizing option of catching up on the TV show I missed last night. I need to work. There are a myriad of tasks on which to spread my focus:
             
                                                                   work on my novel
            design a marketing product for my employer
                                                                            hammer away at low-paying transcription jobs
                     brainstorm Christmas gift ideas
                                                                    write a blog post
                               earn some points on Swagbucks
                                                                                                        browse eBay for shoes
                                                write a letter to my credit card company
                    check my bank account balance
                                                                                             look for recipes for supper

Nothing sounds tempting. My mind is a screen full of dozens of open tabs, each begging to be addressed. One keeps blinking: Small paycheck this week. I haven't had much work lately and I feel preoccupied with finding ways to earn more money. I say a quick prayer, asking God for the 849th time to PLEASE send some design jobs my way. "I promise, Lord, I'm ready to work hard. I just need something to work ON." Another tab flashes: Out of diapers. Toddler has diarrhea. Only $1 in my wallet. I start to worry about where I will come up with five bucks in the next few hours to buy a pack of diapers at the grocery store. Maybe I have enough change?

"God, I'm ready for that job now. Here I am. Just send it on over. See how obedient I am, sitting here with my game face on and ready to give it 110%?"

An overwhelming part of me believes that my financial problems stem from a lack of obedience to God, or a spirit of laziness on my part. My brain tells me that He is punishing me over and over for not being a better steward of His resources. I am suffering the consequences one hundred fold, regardless of how frequently or fervently I repent. The bible says that God's forgiveness of my sin utterly blots it out, but because I know that He is omniscient, can He truly forget that I have done wrong?

Uh oh. That's dangerous ground - accusing God of holding a grudge.

My brain is paralyzed under the strain of a mental stalemate: I want to work hard, but maybe God doesn't want my effort.

You see, I'm a fixer. A problem-solver. A troubleshooter. Every particle of my being cries out to repair any flaw it finds within or outside of itself. Are you poor? Work harder. Are you lonely? Reach out to some friends. Are you depressed? Seek medication and counseling. Are you fat? Get your butt of the couch and do some Zumba! My human nature is to DO. Especially in our American culture, it's a real shame and a travesty to be caught looking lazy or unmotivated. We've been taught that we can achieve anything we put our minds to, so we don't leave room for God to work in us and for us.

One of my favorite bible verses comes from the Psalms, and it is very short and sweet: "Be still and know that I am God." Be still?!? God wants me to stop DOING. I need to stop trying so hard to prove myself to Him, as if I could possibly earn even a speck of grace. That is a hard lesson for an American: you cannot earn God's grace. 

The best I can do is prepare myself to do the Lord's work when He gives it to me, and to recognize it when it comes. Other than that, all He asks is that I trust Him. One way or another, we will survive the diaper shortage. One way or another, we will have enough to pay our bills. One way or another, Christmas will be a joyous occasion.

One way or another, God has provided and will always provide for my needs.

Ebenezer and Jehovah Jireh.

Knock, Knock! It's Me - God!

I always say that I never asked for much. I don't have any really major ambitions in my life. Growing up, I knew without a doubt that I wanted to be a wife and a mom. I wanted to live in a pretty house in a quiet neighborhood, hosting play dates and leading bible studies. Someday I'd like to write a novel - that's my "biggest" goal. I'll leave the high-rise executive jobs to the career women, the mansions to the doctor's wives, the silver screen to the waitress-slash-actresses. All I want is to be "normal."

Recently it struck me how I measure the loftiness of my dreams. It's pretty common to want things that come naturally and are social norms in our culture, like marriage and kids. I think we come to expect that those goals are merely milestones in life, inevitable, coming naturally in time to follow losing baby teeth and growing body hair. But talk to a single person in their 30s or 40s and you realize very quickly how love and marriage do not automatically come to everyone who wishes it. Visit with a couple who has been struggling to conceive for five years and you will see the agony of unattained parenthood.

Now how do my dreams measure up?

I married my high school sweetheart. I hit that one out of the park in terms of life achievement! We have been married for ten years and are better friends and partners with every day that passes. Yes, I know God gave me my greatest blessing - second to salvation - when he brought the two of us together. One very ordinary goal was made an extraordinary success for me.

Three little boys were graciously gifted to hubby and me. They are healthy, they are handsome, they are a handful with a capital H. I hug them closely every time my mind wanders to the five boys in heaven that the Lord called home as babes. To my hubby they are uncles, brother, and nephews. Priceless. To me they are my welcoming committee when I go Home (O Lord, haste the day!) and a constant reminder of the earthly blessing I have in my children. Was my average desire to be a mother very average in light of those five precious souls? Oh my...NO.

You know how I said I wanted a pretty house in a quiet neighborhood? Yeah, I didn't get that one. And for nearly a decade, that one (what I call) failure has driven me to misery and distraction. Since our wedding, hubby and I have bounced from one mediocre rental home to another - seven in total so far - longing for the day that we would have the means to buy our first house. Now, as we wait for God to show us rental number eight, I meditate on this bible verse:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, 

and do not lean on your own understanding." 

Proverbs 3:5 (ESV)

My own understanding, up till now, has been that I was entitled to a comfortable house. My own understanding was that a house was what I needed to be idyllically content. My own understanding was that God was punishing us for not using our money wisely by forcing us to slog through life in debt and theoretical homelessness.

My own understanding is faithless garbage.

What I realized about this widely-known verse from Proverbs is that, if I lean on my own understanding, I am not trusting the Lord with all my heart. Maybe I was trusting Him with part of my heart, but that's not what He calls for, is it? Furthermore, if God granted me my few measly requests, I wouldn't really need Him for anything anymore, would I?

Bingo. In my life plan I forgot to leave room for God. So He made room for Himself.

With every move, God is knocking on my door. He's saying, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock (Rev. 3:20)!" He's asking me to let Him into my life, to leave room for His plans. And I'm finally opening that door so that I can enjoy what He wants to give me. Sure, I still feel tense about our housing situation. It's difficult to move on an almost-annual basis with three kids and not always knowing when or how it will work out. But because I am submitting to the Lord's will, my faith is being strengthened and my life made more whole.

Too Needy to Receive

Exodus 17:1-7 “Water from the Rock”

     The Israelites spent a lifetime in the desert, and they never missed an opportunity to gripe about the unfavorable conditions. After God had miraculously delivered them slavery through the ten plagues (Exodus 12), miraculously saved them from Pharaoh’s army by parting the Red Sea (Ex. 14), and miraculously kept them from starvation with daily supplies of manna and quail (Ex. 16), the chosen people still had an ungrateful attitude. They continued to worry and complain that God could or would not meet their needs. So God supplied yet another miraculous sign of His faithfulness: water from the rock.

     Sometimes I wonder if the Israelites’ eyes were blind to the seemingly obvious phenomena that the Lord used to display His power and protection. I mean, how fantastic would it be to have God show you exactly where and when to go with a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night (Ex. 13)? Christians these days would give an arm and a leg to receive such clear and wondrous guidance. I think most of us are under the impression that God doesn’t do miracles anymore, not like the ones we read about in the bible. But is it possible that we’ve surrounded ourselves with so much other junk that we are totally blind to His signs, just like the Israelites were?

     There have been plenty of instances when I agonized and despaired over circumstances that were out of my control, and every time the Lord made a way through it. My needs were met when I didn’t think it was possible. I’m glad that I’ve been able to recognize them as little miracles in my own life, but I want to become more aware of God’s provision. I want to put complete trust in Him and rejoice in His blessings. When I think about it, my heavenly Father has poured water from many rocks for me.

Thank you, Father, for the ways in which you command my attention. Teach me to look for them and expect them. Teach me to trust you. Show me your plan in a radical way. Amen.

Chump Change?

Mark 12:41-44, Luke 21:1-4 “The Widow’s Offering”

I’m starting my quest for Obedience to God. This morning it began with something very simple that in some ways was also difficult: giving away spare change.
     Every year our church receives empty baby bottles from a local pregnancy center that we are supposed to fill with money that will go towards preventing abortions. In the past I’ve looked at the empty bottle and subconsciously reacted, “I want to help save babies. But I can’t afford to give away my spare change. That’s our tiny savings for a rainy day. Someone else’s easy $10 will do more good than my sacrificial $7.52.”
     What I realized today was that I needed to embrace these opportunities to give; I needed to be excited about them and do everything I could to help in Christ’s name. So I promptly took out my recycled yogurt container of loose change and let the kids fill the bottle with coins while I explained that the money would “help teach ladies how to take care of the babies in their tummies.”
     And I recognized the necessity not only of giving, but of sharing with my boys a legacy of giving and the attitude of a willing heart to do the Lord’s work.

     The story in Mark and Luke of the widow offering her only two copper coins in Obedience to God encouraged me to give my own coins – a meager quantity that would look like chump change to a lot of people (in this country) but means quite a bit to me who has little to offer.

     And instead of worrying what I would be unable to buy with those few dollars, I found excitement and blessing in my heart as the Spirit taught me to rejoice in the potential glory it would bring to the Father. I found myself praying for the precious mother and baby whose lives might be changed by the $7.52 (or however much) I sacrificed out of Obedience.

O Lord, what wonders you can do with even less than that! Thank you for allowing me, your humble servant, to be a part of your amazing Plan. Keep my eyes and heart open to discover more opportunities to Obey you. Amen.